You’ve just been told, by anonymous email, that someone’s having an affair – and that someone is your spouse. You have shaking hands and boiling blood. But is this just someone trying to make trouble for your partner and you or is your spouse really cheating?
Consider your first steps
First, ask yourself whether your new contact’s information is verifiable. Look to see if the email includes information you can check up on, like exactly where your partner is every time they claim to be staying at work late.
If so, you can check this easily enough – and if it’s accurate, you probably want to ask what more they’re aware of! You could even hire a private investigator near you to interview them.
Lying/Cheating? Which is it?
However, bear in mind that a lying partner doesn’t necessarily imply a cheating one, even if it is a bad sign.
It could just be that your husband is hanging out after work in the local bar with a bunch of friends, and just doesn’t want to admit that he’s doing that rather than coming home directly. This activity might be a sign of a problem in your relationship, but it does not always mean they’re cheating on you.
Listen to your gut/inner voice
Even so, you’re right to be suspicious, so ask the person who tipped you off if they can give you a bit more to work with. Also, learn how cheating partners have been caught by other people, as this will give you something solid to use if you have to.
If the tip-off you received had no checkable information, then it’s important that you ask the informant to give you some. Actually, you should ask to be given any information they have, no matter how small or insignificant, since you won’t have anything to go on just yet.
This might give you information about what your spouse is doing – but it’ll also check that your contact isn’t someone simply trying to drive a wedge between you and your partner, but really does know something significant.
This is where your anonymous informant’s information may come in handy, even if it’s about something other than your spouse’s true location. They might know about what that spouse is doing in or out of the workplace, for example, and if so that’s an indication that your contact may be telling the truth.
Be sure to verify vague statements
Even so, you can’t rely on evidence provided by someone who can’t give you anything more than a vague statement about your spouse’s place of work and an assertion that he or she is cheating on you.
Push to get the maximum amount of information. Think of questions you can throw at your spouse, ones where you might get either a ho-hum answer or a bit of panic. Listen and watch carefully to see how your partner’s emotions change when they respond, as this is often a guide to whether your question was on the mark!
Keep your cool and be methodical
Nothing is 100% reliable, of course, and so catching a cheating spouse really needs two things.
One, a solid system that’s workable. Two, a few tools with which to work.
These tools include dedicated software and reverse phone lookups.
Work methodically as well and you have a better chance of catching a partner who’s cheating. If the anonymous tip-off you got was legitimate, proven methods and tools are the key. You’re not likely to nail a cheating spouse with anonymous information alone, and you certainly can’t prove anything to a court with just that.
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