The One Thing You Should Never Say To A Cheater And The 7 Reasons Why

If you think your spouse is cheating, you should be very careful how you proceed. If you are like most people in this situation, you will have pre-conceived notions about how you should approach the situation. You might find this hard to believe but, most people DO THE WRONG THING.

So – what is this “wrong thing”? Well, here it is:

NEVER EVER CONFRONT YOUR CHEATING PARTNER

And there are 7 very important reasons why:

Reason 1. Do you honestly expect a lying spouse to be truthful with you?

If they were going to admit anything to you, they’d have told you about the affair while it was happening.

Let’s look at the true meaning of the word “cheat”, from Mirriam-Webster:

Main Entry: cheat
Pronunciation: ‘chEt
Function: verb
transitive senses
1 : to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

Now, your cheater is well versed in the use of deceit and fraud because they’ve been carrying on this affair behind your back and without your knowledge. They have no intention of “coming clean” nor will they share any of their experiences with you. 10 years of experience in catching cheating spouses tells us this is an absolute fact.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking, “Well, he wouldn’t dare lie to me!” or “She would never lie to my face”.

Face facts – they’ve been lying to you all along. What makes you think they’ll change their colors now? The truth is, they won’t. They’ll deny it while making you blue in the face just asking. Just ask the hundreds of jilted spouses we’ve dealt with over the years.

Reason 2. You won’t have all the facts

Because this is an emotional situation you won’t be thinking straight and you can’t be expected to be because the weight of your emotions will cause you to react irrationally rather than sit back and plan properly. You might have found a telephone number on a piece of paper – you might even have seen lipstick on his shirt collar. Perhaps she came home with a smell of man’s cologne in her hair.

None of these things are solid proof. If you confront your cheater armed with only a few circumstantial clues, they’ll lie their way out of them. Guaranteed. They’ll lie just to see how much you actually really do know and then when they realize how much you DON’T know you’ll be letting them prepare for the what we list as the 3rd reason below.

Phone calls, emails, lipstick stains, perfume smells are all circumstantial and don’t prove a thing. They are certainly important, and don’t ignore them. Simply store them as evidence in your investigative arsenal.

Reason 3. You’ll show your hand too soon

When your cheater finds out how little you know, they’ll know what they need to do to cover up the affair. They’ll know how they were almost caught and will find new ways to communicate with and meet up with their lover.

They’ll even try to convince you that it’s all in your head. They’ll try to convince you that you’re making things up. Remember, they’ve been lying all along, and they’ll use their ability to lie to make you feel like you’re the one seeing something that isn’t there. Or, they’ll come up with an explanation that will make sense, even though it’s a bold-faced lie, and then they’ll make you feel guilty for accusing.

Reason 4. They’ll cause you to feel blame and guilt

When the cheater realizes you don’t have actual solid proof, they’ll turn on you. They’ll accuse you of mistrusting them and not loving them enough to trust them.

They’ll make you feel like you’ve invaded their privacy and they’ll act hurt. It’s all an elaborate show to buy them time to figure out how to cover the whole thing up.

You will start to agree with them, mostly because you want to love them, and you want to stay committed to them. They’ll use your love against you, by accusing you of attacking them, and making life more difficult.

Most likely, they’ll use this confrontation as an excuse to leave the house – to “clear my mind” or ” I need some time alone” when in reality, they’re leaving to go call their lover to warn them that trouble is on the horizon.

Even worse – they’re probably going to use the confrontation as an excuse to go spend time with their lover.

Reason 5. You’ll make it twice as hard to catch them in the act

Now that you’ve confronted them and they’ve denied everything and made you feel like you’re the one to blame, they’ll run off and continue the affair the same way they always did. Only this time, they’ll do it with the knowledge your will be on the hunt for them.

Sure, they may quit for a week or two, but they’ll use this time to plot and plan a way to go ahead with the affair behind your back. You’ve already shown your hand so they’ll know exactly what NOT to do. They’ll be on the lookout for people following them, and they’ll be watching your every move and emotion to see if you’re possibly on to something.

But rest assured, they WILL continue the affair.

Reason 6. You might not be ready to find out the truth.

There’s a very slim (1%) chance that your partner will admit to having an affair behind your back. While it’s extremely rare, it just might happen to you. But you must have a plan. See Reason 2 – read it again.

Choose a time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. Present the evidence (actual hard evidence) you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair. Then ask them some very direct questions about the affair and watch carefully as your cheater answers. If you can do this questioning in a calm, collected manner, you’ll be able to spot when they’re lying. You won’t be letting your emotions cloud your judgment.

Be prepared that they might say, “I don’t care that you know. I love this other person and I want to be with them!” Would you be actually able to handle it if your cheating spouse said something like this to you?

Reason 7. You should hire a private investigator if you don’t have the facts

If you don’t know the truth about what’s happening and you only have a few clues, but your gut is telling you they’re cheating – call a private investigator. A private investigator has the skills and equipment to put your suspicions to rest and get you the truth about what’s going on.

You should also talk to a family law attorney prior to any confrontation. Spend an hour with them and get their advice on how to proceed.

You should check your bank account your bank account before you confront your cheating partner. You may find the cheater has emptied it!

You need to make sure you have all the facts before you proceed with any decisions. In
fact, any decisions should be based on facts. Only when you have the true facts in front of you can you make rational decisions.

Confronting your spouse to confirm your suspicions is a huge mistake. It never works.

Atlanta Private Investigator, Eagle Investigative Services Inc. is a full service criminal and civil private investigation firm serving attorneys, corporations and individuals with timely, affordable and discreet solutions to any problem they may encounter. Their skills have earned them the name, “The Creative Problem Solvers”.You can call them at any time at (800) 867-3930